The Airplane Mode Edition

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Our modus operandi is seldom ever “airplane.”  It’s far too restricting.

But, the holiday season is upon and with that comes travel.  For some, the airport is a hotbed of excitement to lands afar yet possible.  For others, the experience is as a banal dread.  Regardless, flying is the means to long distance ends and a deployment that some 70M Americans are queued up to partake in come that last week of December.

The fact that we fly is a miracle…we are the only creatures (ever) to change the medium in which we move. Surely, the inorganics of it all have pushed affect unto us.  This is the Air Plane Mode issue, with bits and pieces to represent the voyage from departures to arrivals.

Captains ready, prepare for take off.


It’s Pretty Wild That Martial Law Lives in America, Daily

Things need to be bad, and I mean brink of war/Watergate Tapes/September 11th bad, for a government to impose Martial Law over a populace, barring it’s citizens from their indoctrinated rights.  Yet, Martial Law exists in perpetuity…at airports.  Doc Brown didn’t need roads, and where we’re going, you won’t need your rights either.

Unofficially, airports freeze our rights to privacy, speech, choice, and possession.  We are asked to understand why, and most of us don’t, but option B is driving and that’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.  Flying is a luxury, by any other name, yet the process of boarding turns travelers into cattle.  Que lines, absolute orders, and sometimes, the loss of dignity.

TSA fields as many harassment and misconduct reports as any state-ran agency feasibly can.  You won’t beat these guys though so save your breath…or take a stand (and be prepared to call Gram Gram and tell her you’re not going to make it.

Here are 4 rights you lose the second you board a plan:
Right to Freedom of Speech (try wearing lewd clothing on Southwest), Freedom from Search and Seizure (bye bye shampoo over 8 fl oz.), Freedom of Expression (you can be told to put your shoes on), inalienable Rights (all dogs are created equal, but small dogs are equal-er)

It’s Pretty Wild that I Do My Best Thinking on Airplanes

There’s an expression on perception that warns people from standing too close to the Elephant.  Depending on a person’s vantage, especially when standing too close, you’ll miss the BIG picture.  What happens if you stand too close to an Elephant?  All you’ll see is it’s testicle -like skin (thanks Chapelle).  Distance allows us to see the beast how it truly is.

I do my best thinking on airplanes (and in cars and trains and Starbucks), because they offer the exceedingly rare moments of total reprieve.  For these instances, be them brief shuttles to Boston or red-eyes to Madrid, time spent behind a glass partition is time to see the Elephants.

The moral of the parable is that humans have a tendency to claim absolute truth based on their limited, subjective experience as they ignore other people’s limited, subjective experiences which may be equally true.

It’s Pretty Wild How Much Room We Have

Not on the plane, god no.  I mean back on the ground.

Wyoming, Idaho, the Dakotas, Montana…these are what we call “flyover states.”  Sovereignties that most won’t see, or even think worse seeing.  What a shame.  There’s actually a definition to flyover beyond the apathy towards them.  It’s coined via the ratio of planes the cruise 30,000 above the terrestrial plane, vs the number of whom actually land within their borders.

That makes Delaware the largest fly over state…it has no public airports.

We bitch and moan and make explicit our claustrophobia.  Here, you can trade square footage in for acreage.

It’s Pretty Wild How Uncool the Mile High Club Is

I guess sex has become so boring that “risk” needed to be added into the lexicon.  The kamasutra makes no note of public displays of affection within it’s annals (HA!) of sex architecture, yet it seems to be the hot topic of modern coitus.

The trend mimics the rest of the human predicament.  We’re sick of the monotonous, the structure.  Public sex is the lightning bolt to the barn of that is missionary.

Unfortunately, the level of irresponsibleness and the close-quarters outweighs the charm of it all.

Safe travels and happy holidays to all.  I wish you the clairvoyance of Air Plane Mode outside of the of the air plane.  I do my best thinking on airplanes…and I can probably replicate the scenarios elsewhere.

I’ll let you know how that goes.

Send to a friend if you enjoyed.

Bits and Pieces: It’s Pretty Wild
How well Duty Free Shops finesse the tax system
How flight attendants used to be hot
That the Denver Airport is a motif for the Illumanti  
How Long it took for Tom Hanks to Catch Leo DiCaprio
That George Clooney flew 10,000,000 miles to fire people
That your tray table will cause a crash
That Sully landed in the Hudson and scored a perfect 100% mortality rate


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